Mindfulness in Everyday Tasks: 5 Ways Chores Can Make You Happier Posted by Encouraging Excellence

by Lori Deschene

“Smile, breathe and go slowly.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Last night I did something I rarely do.  Drum roll please…

…last night I cooked.

OK, to be fair, I more prepped than cooked.  But my willingness to participate in this domestic ritual with my boyfriend at the helm was certainly not the norm.  Neurotic as I may be with organising and cleaning, cooking has never been my thing.

For starters, I’m cheap with food.  I’d rather spend money on books and pedicures than saffron and truffles.  I realise I could channel my inner Rachael Ray and learn to make budget-friendly meals, but an even easier approach is to make full use of my Subway rewards card.

It’s not just my aversion to spending on consumables that attracts me to cheap take-out and cereal.  It’s also a matter of priorities.  I look at the day as blocks of time — much like Hugh Grant in About a Boy. Left to my own devices, I fill those blocks with tried-and-tested activities, like writing, reading, watching movies, and practicing yoga.  Suffice it to say cooking isn’t on my list.

I know I enjoy my world better when I make little changes to my routine — when I take alternative routes to familiar places or make spontaneous plans with old friends, for example.  But sometimes I need reminders to do things differently.

Tonight’s reminder brought me to the cutting board, and I must admit I enjoyed it far more than I would have imagined.

As I cut onions and tomatoes into perfect little cubes for pico de gallo, humming and falling into a staccato rhythm, I remembered something my Dad said the day prior.  He asked me to leave the dishes for him because he’d come to enjoy washing them since losing his job.

He didn’t have the words to explain his new-found fondness for Palmolive, but he didn’t really have to expand.  I knew exactly what he meant: simple household rituals can be calming and even gratifying when you throw yourself into them completely.

After an hour of cutting — my boyfriend planned an ambitious Mexican meal for my family, who we’re visiting — I felt almost as relaxed as I do after yoga.  OK, so the mid-prep margarita may have contributed to my mellow state, but I’m convinced the chopping had a lot to do with it.

I’ve decided to get more deliberate with my household tasks; to actually schedule them, instead of squeezing them between things I want or need to do.  Mindfully completing a simple household task can be like skipping a pebble on a pond, sending ripples of Zen into the day.

If you’re also interested in forming a mindfulness practice in your home, I recommend the following:

1. Let your bed set the tone for the day.

Making the bed is sort of a no-brainer for me.  Leaving it unmade feels as unnatural as leaving my house without pants.  However, I know it can be tempting to leave the sheets and blankets crumpled to jump into the day a few moments sooner.

Deliberately making your bed in the morning sets the pace for the day.  It says you’ll take your time transitioning from one activity to the next without scrambling or rushing just to get things done.  Because really, when you’re moving that fast, how much of your day do you fully experience and enjoy?

2. Wash the dishes slowly.

As my father knows, doing the dishes can be both satisfying and grounding.  Feel the warm water on your hands; let yourself enjoy the experience of making something dirty clean again.  Don’t think about finishing or what you’ll do when you’re finished.  Focus solely on the doing.

Thich Nhat Hanh explained it well in his book The Miracle of Mindfulness:

“To my mind, the idea that doing dishes is unpleasant can occur only when you aren’t doing them…I enjoy taking my time with each dish, being fully aware of the dish, the water, and each movement of my hands.  I know that if I hurry in order to eat dessert sooner, the time of washing dishes will be unpleasant and not worth living.  That would be a pity, for each minute, each second of life is a miracle.”

3. Use cleaning as an exercise in acceptance.

How often in life do we fight ourselves on things we don’t want to do?  We procrastinate, we complain, we outsource — a viable option if you can swing it.  For the most part, though, we’d benefit from accepting that we have to do things we don’t like on occasion, and then doing them instead of using energy to avoid them.

Cleaning the toilet is right up there with root canals on my fun list, but it won’t clean itself.  In accepting this and then doing it — when it needs to be done and no later — I prepare myself to carry this same acceptance outside my house.  To stop judging things as good and bad to soften the nagging inner monologue that keeps me divorced from the present.

4. Let your senses take over in the shower.

You’ve probably experienced a meditative shower at least a few times in your life.  It’s easy to let go of all other thoughts when you’re standing under a stream of water, set to the perfect temperature for you.

Take this time to tune into your senses.  Choose a soap you love so that the scent is intoxicating. Enjoy the sensation of the water on your skin, and feel it drip down your back, your calves, and your heels.  My favourite part is when the water first hits my head.  It reminds me of getting my hair washed at the salon — a perfect massage as the stylist kneads my head beneath the firm water pressure.

A meditative morning ritual takes you into the day with a clear, focused mind.

5. Turn a boring activity into the noticing game.

“The noticing game” is not a technical term; I’m sure a monk has described this same idea much more eloquently, but humour me if you will.

Here is an example of the noticing game in action: On my flight from California to Massachusetts last month, I encountered the perfect storm of difficult plane circumstances.  I felt wired and couldn’t sleep; my TV was broken; and I couldn’t turn on my light to read lest I wake up the baby right next to me.

There was nothing to do to pass the time.  I was tempted to break my first rule of flying home and pull out the credit card for an overpriced in-flight drink.  Instead, I decided to notice everything in my environment.

I people-watched, identified interesting items of clothing, paid attention to things I heard, and noticed the different smells around me (luckily, not coming from the baby).  This allowed me to sink into the present moment instead of searching for ways to avoid it.

You can do the same thing when vacuuming, dusting, or ironing.  Notice things about your furniture you may not have seen before — textures, colours, or shapes.  Notice patterns on your clothes.

When you focus on being in your environment, it’s easier to appreciate the moment for what it is instead of wishing you were somewhere else.

I don’t know about you, but that’s one skill I’ve yet to master.  I work on it, one shower, one dish, one tomato at a time.  And in doing, I am happy.

This post is republished with permission.  Find more of Lori Deschene’s writing at tinybuddha.com Read the original post here

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What are my Values? Posted by Encouraging Excellence

By Noeleen Bontempi

paintedlady1

What are Values?

Let’s discuss a bit about your values.  What is the difference between values and beliefs and how does this affect our behaviour?

You may ask yourself why this is so important?  Knowing what your top values are saves you time, effort and energy.  It is also important because if you do not have a clear understanding of your values, beliefs and motivations, you can’t make informed decisions about your future.   As you seek changes in your life and you move towards a more fulfilling life which will encompass your life purpose and goals, your Values need to be congruent with your life purpose and goals otherwise you will always feel that you are at odds with your True Self (Your Soul).

Your values impact on every aspect of your lives:

  1. Your Values influence your actions, behaviour and the decisions you make.
  2. Values help you to prioritise your life.
  3. Your goals and life purpose are grounded in your Values.

You need to decide what values are most important to you. Then live by them.

Living by your values helps you to accomplish your goals and dreams and helps you lead and influence others.

So what are values?

Values are traits and qualities that represent your highest priorities and deeply held driving forces, it is what motivates you and gets you out of bed every morning.

Why is it important that you identify your Values?

The Values you hold are a combination of influences from your parents, family, religious beliefs, friends, education and even what you read.

For you to become a more efficient person you need to recognise these influences, identify and develop a clear, concise and meaningful set of Values/Beliefs.

What is the difference between a Value and a Belief?

To help you a bit more, I want to give you some definitions of values and beliefs that might help you understand the difference.  See what resonates with you so that you can understand the difference.

  • Beliefs are what your values are based on.  For example if you strongly support Pro-Life this is then your Value.  What your Value is based on, is your Belief (which could be one of many) that it is not right to kill a human being.  Thus your belief determines what you deem valuable.
  • When you Value something you give importance to a thing or idea.  Beliefs are things that you think are true.
  • Values are things that you think are valuable.  Beliefs are things that you think are true.

Therefore beliefs are the assumptions you make about yourself and others in the world.  Beliefs are about how you think things really are.   Beliefs tend to be deep set and your values stem from your beliefs.

Values are about how you think things ought to be or people ought to behave, especially in terms of qualities such as honesty, integrity and openness which when people are asked what are their values tend to be the main values. (These are also known as universal values)

Another definition that is useful at this time to note is attitude.

Attitudes are the established ways of responding to people and situations that you have learned, based on the Beliefs, Values and Assumptions you hold. How you respond to situation and your behaviour can reflect your attitude.

So how do I go about finding my values?

First find a quiet place, have a pen and paper and write down your values, some examples of values are: Integrity, service, responsibility, equality, respect, self improvement, education or learning, loyalty, security, Challenge this is just a small example of values that people hold.

Look at the values you have written down, some may be ‘Universal values’ e.g. Honesty

Out of the others select your top 10 and rank them according to importance.  This is not set in stone and you may find as you work with these values their importance to you will change.  Also remember that if you feel that one or more of the ‘universal values’ are your top value then included when you prioritise your values.

Now look at the list you have in front of you.  Do you think these values drive you?  Is this what gets you out of bed in the morning? If not relook at this and see what it is that drives you.

This post is republished with permission.  Find more of Noeleen Bontempi’s writing at LifeChallengers.com.  Read the original post here

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5 Rules for Life Posted by Encouraging Excellence

by Lori Deschene

When I first sat down to write this piece for 5 Rules for Life, I wrote Live without rules five times, each followed by a reason to keep your approach to life flexible.  The way you live is largely a reflection of where you’ve been, who you’ve been, and the beliefs you’ve formed.  Who am I to create a cookie-cutter hard-and-fast code that makes sense for everyone?

That’s when I realised I’d need to make a sixth rule to introduce these ideas: judge my words, and anyone else’s against your own reason and moral code.

Buddha said, “Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and common sense.”

The Dalai Lama echoed that sentiment with, “The ultimate authourity must always rest with the individual’s own reason and critical analysis.”

Be critical.  I invite it.  These ideas help me, and they may or may not help you.

With that, I give you five guidelines that have helped me feel happy, fulfilled, and meaningful:

1. Be honest with yourself.

One of the most valuable skills you’ll learn in life is the ability to call yourself out — when you’re playing it safe because you’re scared to fail, or maybe even scared to succeed; or you’re closing off your heart because you’re afraid of being hurt.

In the moment it feels comforting.  You can do what you always did, and not push yourself into unfamiliar territory.  But we tend to regret the things we didn’t do more than the things we did.

Don’t lie to yourself about your instincts or motivations.  It may feel safe in the moment, but it will one day grow into regret about who you could have become.

2. Let yourself be vulnerable.

I once felt there was nothing more terrifying than letting go of control.  I held a tight grip on who I really was because I wanted to shape other people’s perceptions of me.  I had a very limited list of approved adjectives: smart, kind, talented, successful, awesome.

I don’t love knowing someone may form a different opinion of me.  But it’s liberating to honour where I’m at in any moment, and let people decide for themselves what they think about that.  When you’re willing to be seen as someone who makes mistakes and has flaws, you’re essentially telling yourself being human isn’t something to be ashamed of.

People may sometimes form judgments. But they’ll respect your authenticity, and they may learn to let go a little themselves — something that can be a tremendous relief.

3. Live in accordance with your values.

Everyone has a different idea of what’s important, and what it means to be a good person.  If you try to align your life with someone else’s values, you’ll likely feel unfulfilled.

If your main source of joy is spending time with your family, would it really make sense to take on a high-paying job that limits the time you can spend with them?

Make a list of the cornerstones of your happiness, and then take an honest inventory of your current situation.  Does it parallel the priorities you listed?

4. See as much as you can of what’s right in front of you.

People often live life caught in two mental strongholds: regret for the past, and worry for the future.  In looking back on the years I’ve lived so far, I know I’ve spent more time engaging in those activities than truly being present.

Whenever I catch myself, I check in with my five senses and experience what’s in front of me as fully as I possibly can.

I notice the details.  Hear the sounds.  And seep into the moment.  I know I won’t do this all the time, but it adds up to create more time truly living in the now.

5. Treat yourself like you want other people to treat you.

It happens all the time.  You don’t get a job, you start reviewing all your failures.  You hurt a friend, you start beating yourself up.

We make mistakes, and we always will.  As long as you acknowledge them, make amends as best you can, and learn from them there’s no reason to stop treating yourself with kindness.

Other people will take their cue from you.  You decide how you deserve to be treated.

This post is republished with permission.  Find more of Lori Deschene’s writing at tinybuddha.com. Read the original post here

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Moving Forward Posted by Encouraging Excellence

By Noeleen Bontempi

redflower

In this time of uncertainty, there are positive and creative ways to help you look towards a positive future, and create your life as you want it to be.  By setting personal and positive goals, you can achieve the life you want.

Do you often wonder why you bother to make New Year resolutions?  As they are forgot within a short period of time.  Do you get angry at yourself for not achieving these simple changes?  Goals, like resolutions, can be easily forgotten and put aside if you make them with no actual planning and substance.  A goal, like a resolution must be made as a positive statement of intent; this must be made with absolute commitment and followed through with daily actions and with an end date in mind.

If you set goals by utilising this method, it will help you focus on your future.  Through focusing on where you want to go and what you want to achieve, you will see the opportunities to Move Forward.   Opportunities are always there, you are sometimes just too busy being busy, and you do not recognise them.  If you focus on your goals and what you want to achieve, you will begin to recognise them and be able to take up the challenge and achieve the most amazing things.

However, no goal is worth the paper it is written on if you do not take up the challenge with actions.  Always remember, if an opportunity is missed, there will be others but if you keep ignoring them all the time, they will eventually run out.  So you need to grasp them and Move Forward.

Setting goals will help you focus on the intended outcome and using various tools including; how to set goals that can be achieved and how to focus using a Vision Board.  With this knowledge and your actions, you will achieve your goals and live the life you want to live.  These workshops and courses will give you the tools to continuously focus and refocus on you future, so you can gain the momentum and move forward.

If you would like to know more about how to set these goals and make the changes in your life please contact me or look at the workshop or course page for more details on when the next workshop or course will be run.

This post is republished with permission.  Find more of Noeleen Bontempi’s writing at LifeChallengers.com. Read the original post here

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50 Ways to Open Your World to New Possibilities – part 2 Posted by Encouraging Excellence

by Lori Deschene

“To get something you never had, you have to do something you’ve never done.” ~Unknown

26. Wear an interesting T-shirt, something funny or nostalgic. You likely won’t get through a day wearing a Gem or Alf shirt with at least one conversation with someone new!

27. Move one of your friends into a new pool. Take one from the “we keep things light and casual” pool into the “we share our dreams and confide each other” pool.  Research shows people who have 5 or more close friends describe themselves as happy.

28. Bring enough lunch to share with other people at work – particularly childhood favorites.  Nothing bonds like shared nostalgia.

29. Pay attention to other people’s body language and expressions so you can offer assistance when they seem to need it.

30. Help someone else get out of their comfort zone. You just may set the precedent that you challenge each other in your friendship.

GET INTO YOUR WORK

Get Into Your Work31. Show up a half-hour early or leave thirty minutes late. You’ll get more done; you may impress your boss; and you might open yourself up to opportunities for growth – particularly if your coworkers aren’t around.

32. Speak up in a meeting, even if you don’t feel fully confident or you’re afraid you’ll be embarrassed.  Your ideas can only take shape if you put them out there.

33. Hold your meeting outside. People work and engage differently in new environments, particularly when they can feel sunlight on their faces.

34. Hold a meeting standing up. This will most likely make it shorter, meaning you’ll be more efficient and create more time to work on something else.

35. Create a business card that speaks to what really matters to you, like Meng Tan’s “jolly good fellow” card.

36. Start learning a new language. The more people you can communicate with, the more valuable you become, particularly for work that involves traveling abroad.  Only 6% of the world’s population speaks English.

37. If you don’t work in your dream industry, volunteer within it. This allows you to be your purpose now, even though you don’t have the job; gain experience; and make valuable connections.

38. Find a mentor. Ask someone who does what you’d like to do for tips.

39. Attend a networking event or conference that’s big in your industry.  Collect at least 10 business cards, and follow up with emails the next day.

40. Consider one of these creative ways to turn everyday situations into opportunities.

GET CAUGHT IN THE WEB

Get Caught in the Web41. Check the Craigslist Community section for activities, events, and classes – and then send at least 3 emails today.  Don’t wait.

42. Start a group at Meetup.com to connect with like-minded people, or join one that already exists.

43. Ask on Twitter if anyone can offer you any tips to move forward with your dream.

44. Learn to cook one tweet at a time. @cookbook tweets entire recipes and instructions in 140 characters each.

45. Learn how to do anything that interests you on eHow, Instructables, or wikiHow.

46. Have a “friend trade” day on Facebook. Introduce your friends to one of yours, and ask them to do the same.

47. If you blog, find other bloggers in your niche and email them to introduce yourself.

48. Work on personal branding to help market yourself and attract new opportunities. Mashable has an excellent post about this here.

49. Search WeFollow.com to find the most influential people in your niche, then initiate contact them through Twitter or email.

50. Join the TinyBuddha Facebook community, where happiness-minded individuals gather to share their wisdom. (Or subscribe to tinybuddha.com for more tips to live out loud!)

There’s a lot of information here – way more than you can tackle all at once.  But it’s more about quality than quantity.  Even just one small change can have a ripple effect into every area of your life.  Of course it’s up to you to decide what’s possible.

How do you open your world to new possibilities?

This post is republished with permission.  Find more of Lori Deschene’s writing at tinybuddha.com. Read the original post here

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50 Ways to Open Your World to New Possibilities – part 1 Posted by Encouraging Excellence

by Lori Deschene

“To get something you never had, you have to do something you’ve never done.” ~Unknown

Maybe you feel stuck.  Or bored.  Or frustrated.  It’s not that you don’t like the life you live, it’s just that you suspect there’s something more.  Some greater sense of meaning or excitement.  New connections.  New adventures.  New possibilities.

The truth is those possibilities are always within your reach.  You may not be able to quit your job or develop new skills by osmosis; but every day contains within it countless opportunities, all dictated by the choices you make.

Some of those choices may seem inconsequential when you face them.   They’re the little things, after all.  Why not do it how you usually do?  Why not stay in your comfort zone when it’s just so comfortable there?

Do it for the possibility.  The possibility that if you make one minor change you may set the stage for major fulfillment.  Sometimes even the smallest shift in thinking or doing can create the biggest opportunity.  Here’s how to get started:

GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD

Get Out Of Your Head1. Challenge your beliefs about what you can and can’t do. Maybe you are a good leader.

2. Challenge your ideas about how things should work. Sometimes when you decide how things should be you limit your ability to be effective in the world as it actually is.

3. Have a vision session. Write in a journal, create a video, sketch – anything that lets you explore what excites you most.

4. Look for opportunities in a tough situation. Eschew a victim mentality, and opt instead for a “ready for new beginnings” attitude.

5. Remove something from your life that doesn’t serve you to make room for something better and new.  You never know what you might let in when you let something go.

6. Commit to something you always say you’ll do but always fail to start – and then take the first step right now.

7. Turn your focus from something don’t want to something you do want. This allows you to shift your energy from complaining to taking action.

8. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Positive energy creates positive results.

9. Identify the blocks that keep you from breaking a bad habit. Anytime you improve your habits, you pave the path for personal excellence.

10. Forgive someone if you’ve been holding a grudge. Removing that block will open you up where previously you’d shut down.

GET OUT IN THE OPEN

Get Out in the Open11. Walk to work and open your eyes. You may find a gym you want to join, or an organisation where you’d like to volunteer.

12. Talk to someone while waiting in line and ask what they do.  You don’t need to wait for a specified event to network.

13. Make an effort to connect with people you passmake eye contact for a little longer than usual.  Being even slightly more open can open up your world. — smile and

14. Learn a new skill. Start taking piano lessons or karate classes.

15. Say yes to something you always talk yourself out of – sing karaoke or take a kickboxing class – even you’re afraid of you’ll feel embarrassed.

16. Take a walking lunch. Walk around your neighbourhood for a half-hour, with no destination in mind, and then eat at your desk when you return.  You never know what will happen when you get out without a plan.

17. Volunteer at your local animal shelter or ASPCA chapter.

18. Start something you always assumed it was too late to do. Take gymnastics, learn guitar.  If it moves you, get started today.  It’s never too late.

19. Take up urban foraging – the act of foraging for “free” fruits and vegetables around your city (where harvesting is sanctioned).  According to worldchanging.com, “It saves money (free food!), it reduces waste (all that fruit isn’t rotting on the ground) and it builds community (…by forcing interaction between strangers…).”

20. Join an adventure club to try new activities, like white water rafting and rock climbing, and meet new people at the same time.

GET IN WITH PEOPLE

Get In With People21. Offer to help someone else. Sometimes it’s the best way to help yourself, and not just for the warm fuzzy feeling it provides.  You never know what you’ll learn through the process.

22. Carpool to work. This gives you a chance to get to know coworkers better – good for socialisation, and possibly good for your career.

23. Compliment a stranger on something you notice. Everyone likes to be appreciated, and it’s a great way to start a conversation.

24. Take pictures of things you find interesting that other people might not notice.  When you’re trying to frame the smiley face of leftover food on your plate, people will naturally want to ask what you’re doing. (I know this from experience).

25. Do something you enjoy alone. Go to a museum, or read a book in the park.  You’re more accessible when you’re not engulfed in a crowd, making it easier for new people to approach you.

There’s a lot of information here – way more than you can tackle all at once.  But it’s more about quality than quantity.  Even just one small change can have a ripple effect into every area of your life.  Of course it’s up to you to decide what’s possible.

How do you open your world to new possibilities?

This post is republished with permission.  Find more of Lori Deschene’s writing at tinybuddha.com. Read the original post here

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What Do You Have That Nothing & No One Can Take Away? Posted by Encouraging Excellence

by Lori Deschene

“Meaning is not what you start with but what you end up with.” ~Peter Elbow

I’d gotten these bed-raiser platforms to make my twin seem less sad — like being higher from the ground made it more respectable.

It wasn’t even it’s size that made it seem pathetic; it was more that it consumed the majority of my apartment.  And by apartment, I mean room.

I moved to New York without a plan.  I’d majored in theatre, but I had no desire to audition.  After being a large fish in a small pond in high school, I found it difficult adapting to intense competition.  And eventually my perfectionism trumped my dreams of performing.

So I went to NYC, blew through my savings on a work-from-home network-marketing business, then moved into a cheap single-room occupancy building – much like a dorm, except for addicts, former homeless people, and little girls lost, like I was.

I’d been working part-time as a telemarketer for a software company for several months.  I didn’t love sales and marketing, but I did well in both those industries.  No matter how I felt inside, I could always smile long enough to convince someone to give me their money.

There didn’t seem to be any good reason to stay in New York.  I hadn’t yet learned to let people in, so I spent a lot of time by myself.   I wasn’t doing anything compelling – anything I couldn’t do in Massachusetts, where my family was.  And I wasn’t really doing well at the whole functioning-independently thing.

I stayed for one simple reason: it felt better to be alone in a big city, where I might someday stumble into a life that looked good on paper, than home with my family, who I feared I’d let down.  By not becoming an actress.  By not making lots of money.  By not being just plain better than who I was.

I needed to find something I could do just for me.  Not to prove myself, or impress other people – just something that helped me feel good about who I was, regardless of my life circumstances.  If I could find that while living in a 7?x7? cockroach-infested room and working a job I didn’t like, I knew I’d have an anchor that would help me all through life.

I saw an ad on Craigslist for free yoga classes right down the street.  All I’d have to do is volunteer behind the desk once a week for three hours.  I’d done a few classes before I left home, and I remember feeling a sense of calm I’d never really felt before.

I responded to the ad with the type of honesty usually reserved for journaling and anonymous online commenting:

“I’ve had a hard time liking myself through the years.  I’ve beaten myself up, and isolated myself, and felt bad in every way possible.  I’m struggling here in New York, and I’m not sure why I’m here.  I just know I want to feel.   I want to do better.

I took a couple yoga classes before, and I remember feeling a profound shift in how I felt about myself and saw the world.  I don’t have a lot of money, and I don’t have a lot in my life.  I would be forever grateful for the opportunity to be part of your studio.”

One week later I was volunteering behind the desk.   One month later I could do a headstand – and had four friends who could do one, too.  One year later I rolled up my yoga mat and left New York to travel cross-country on a promotional tour.

I’ve been to almost every major city.  I’ve stayed in hotels, motels, and hostels; I’ve lived in rooms, apartments, and houses. I’ve gotten great jobs, and lost great jobs.  I’ve been lonely and I’ve been loved.

I’ve handled some things well and some things poorly, but I can say with absolute certainty I’ve done everything better than I would have if I did not practice yoga.  It’s not even that yoga itself was the answer – it’s finding something, anything that’s yours.

We all have paths we take that involve different people, dreams, achievements, and situations.  I’ve found it’s a lot easier to risk failing and losing when I have something I love that I know I can’t lose.

If I go for a job and don’t get it, I have yoga.  If I do get it, I have yoga.  And when it’s over and it’s time to move on, I still have my practice and that sense of identity.

Everything external eventually fades – and I don’t think that’s such a bleak realisation.  Knowing nothing lasts forever makes a tough time bearable and a joyous time more valuable.  Time, with it’s beginnings and endings, gives life shape.

It’s up to us individually to give it meaning.

What’s your sense of bliss and balance in a world that’s always changing?

This post is republished with permission.  Find more of Lori Deschene’s writing at tinybuddha.com. Read the original post here

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Do Happy: Take a Small Step Posted by Encouraging Excellence

Dreamsby Lori Deschene

“I could never make a living while traveling the world; it’s just not realistic.”

“My guitar won’t pay the bills. People think I’m crazy for trying.”

“I don’t have the money to go back to school.  I’m stuck in this dead-end temp job.”

Most people dream of doing something that gives them a sense of excitement and purpose.  Only some people believe in the possibility of that meaningful, exciting reality.  Even fewer people pursue those goals in the face of adversity and discouragement.

Belief in possibility and the willingness to try can mean the difference between feeling alive and feeling stuck.  Even if you don’t get where you’re headed, believing you can, and working toward your dream is more powerful than you realise.

The woman who spends her days going to auditions — she may not be a famous actress, but she’s an actress who could find work.  Work that may lead to opportunities she can’t even imagine.

The man who wants to bike across the US someday — every hour he devotes to training increases his chances of achieving his goal.  Every time he dots an i on his dream-to-do list, he’s one step closer to actually doing what some people say he can’t.

There will always be people who doubt you.  People who think you should do what’s easy, customary, and reasonable.  Sometimes you may even be one of those people.  Don’t think about them today.  Instead, think about one simple step.

Maybe it’s the first thing you need to do.  Research scholarship programs.  Request a job application.  Schedule a lesson.  Or maybe you’ve already made some strides, but there’s still more to be done.

Whatever the case may be, do something today.  Take that step with faith in your ability to become who you want to be.  Even if you have a lingering doubt in the back of your mind, suspend it for just a short while, and believe in your potential.

A small step won’t turn fantasy into reality.  But one step leads to another, which leads to another, and eventually creates change.  You never know where your steps will take you in life; but they’ll take you a lot further if you visualise where you want to go, and act as though you can get there.

Do happy. It’s something you’re due.

This post is republished with permission.  Find more of Lori Deschene’s writing at tinybuddha.com. Read the original post here

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Do Happy: Interpret Differently Posted by Encouraging Excellence

Be Postiveby Lori Deschene

Research indicates lottery winners are no happier than people who didn’t win, and in many cases, become depressed in the years following their win.

Scientists have surmised that we all have a baseline level of happiness—a range of joy we’ll stay within regardless of our external circumstances. The greatest factor in determining this joy is our mental attitude.

If you’d like to alter your baseline, instead of trying to change your circumstances, change the way you interpret them.

It sounds much easier said than done because it is.  If you’ve always seen the glass as half-empty, you likely won’t transform into a positive thinker overnight.  But you can take one simple step toward more positive thinking.

Pay special attention today to the way you react to things that happen to you.  Acknowledge negative situations, and then realise you don’t have to respond negatively.  You may even be able to see it as a blessing in disguise.

If you daughter gets into a minor accident in your car, you have an opportunity to teach her how to rebound from errors.  If your coworker gets the promotion you wanted, you have an extra incentive to show your boss what you can do — which may help you more in the long run.

We can’t always control what happens to us.  We can control how we respond — which ultimately dictates how we feel.

Do happy. It’s something you’re due.

This post is republished with permission.  Find more of Lori Deschene’s writing at tinybuddha.com. Read the original post here

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5 Ways to Let Go and Embrace an Uncertain Future Posted by Encouraging Excellence

by Lori Deschene

“Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.” ~John Allen Paulos

I used to love uncertainty. I wandered my way all around this country with little more than a suitcase and a journal. Committing to anything felt limiting, suffocating even.

One day I realised it wasn’t enlightenment that pushed me to embrace the unknown; it was a paralysing fear of creating something certain.  You can’t disappoint people when you don’t form relationships with them, and you can’t fail when you never start.

So one day I decided to do the scariest things I could imagine: settle into one place, get a steady job, and start forming real relationships.

Which lasted for a while until the economic meltdown rocked my world.  Now I’m back in a place of uncertainty, like so many other people.

Almost everyone I know has had to make at least a few changes to their life because of the economy.  People have lost their jobs, homes, and in some cases, their sense of identity.

It’s both terrifying and exciting to have a blank page in front of you.  Sometimes we need reminders to see it as the latter.

Here’s how I’m learning to let go without losing what I felt I’ve gained these past few years:

1. Consider the idea of permanent uncertainty.

Certainty is actually just an illusion.  Think about it: is there ever a time when you know for sure how things will unfold?  Even with the best preparation, you can’t control everything in the universe.  Job security is subject to industry and company shifts.  Relationships transform as people grow and change how they see the world and what they want out of it.

There are never any guarantees — even when you think you have it all figured out  When you don’t know what the future will hold, you’re actually dealing with life as it always is: yours to live and create moment by moment, day by day.

2. Stop waiting for something external.

In a post on Raptitude, David wrote about the theatrical convention known as Deus ex machina — or “God in a Machine.” As David explains, it’s “a reference to the ancient playwright Euripedes’ dubious habit of using a pulley system to lower an actor dressed up as God onto the stage, to solve the problems of the characters and wrap up the story.”

We often wait for our own Deus ex machina in life — a big break, a soul mate who makes us feel complete.  This allows us to believe there is something good down the line instead of actively creating that something.  The only sense of certainty we can experience in life is the result of our own efforts.  That’s actually an empowering thought if you think about it.

3. See the benefits of releasing attachment.

If you’ve formed an attachment to something, odds are you’ve decided it’s a necessary component to your desired life — the home where you feel safe, the relationship that gives you love and support.  Now look at it from a different perspective: when you are attached to less, you open yourself up to more than you can imagine.

For example, I had to give up my apartment.  I could have held onto the past, wishing I didn’t have to leave, or feel excitement about the potential for something even better.  Corny but true: a flower can’t grow if it clings to its roots.

4. Reconnect with the constants in your life.

Even though there are no guarantees, you likely have a few constants that won’t change in the near future: your health, your mental capacity, your family and friends.  At the end of the day, nothing matters without these things.  You can have the best house in the world, but it becomes a prison if you’re alone.  Your job may offer a million perks, but you won’t enjoy them if you’re not strong in mind and body.

Focus on those gifts – because that’s what they are.  Even thinking about my gratitude gives me a profound sense of strength and humility.  Two things I need right now.

5. Accept constant imperfection.

I think a lot of people have this illusion that someday everything will be OK.   One day they’ll have the home, the relationship, the career, the status, and from then on it will be smooth sailing.  I know if I’ve indulged this fantasy.  This causes us to metaphorically hold our breath, waiting for that moment when we’re finally able to be happy.

If we can accept, however, that things will never be perfect — that we’ll gain, and lose, and grow, and regress, and smile, and cry, and learn, and forget — we’ll be better able to embrace the present moment.  We are all ever-changing works in progress, and so are the lives we lead.

No matter how much you’ve learned or how strong you’ve become, on any given day, you could allow your emotions to get the better of you.  Applying knowledge never gets easy; it always takes strength, humility, and mindfulness to be truly present and to forge ahead despite your fear.   I’m working on that today.  Can you relate?

This post is republished with permission.  Find more of Lori Deschene’s writing at tinybuddha.com. Read the original post here

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